So I think I am finally turning the corner with my son.
We have made it through that 1st year…
you know, the one where you are just trying to keep your head above water.
The one where you just try to figure out how to function as a family of “plus one”.
The one where you are usually delving into uncharted waters of special needs, and loss, and trauma;
all the while trying to also fix supper
and maybe get your other kids
…oh, that’s right I have other kids too
to softball practice on time.
Yeah, that year.
We made it through that one.
And now, we have even made it 3/4 of the way through that 2nd year…
you know, the one where you finally feel like you can see glimpses of the “real” them.
The one where you actually begin to stop doubting your survival.
The one where you begin to see real, honest attachment taking place.
Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel.
That’s where we find ourselves right now.
And it’s such a beautiful, encouraging place to be.
Such little things, but absolutely some of my most precious memories.
-The other day, as I was dropping him off at school, I was suddenly prompted to lean over and give him a kiss goodbye. Well, he planted me one right on the lips and skipped off like he has been doing it everyday. No excessive giggling, no awkwardness just honest affection.
-We were leaving the ball field the other night, and he ran up beside me to take my hand. Just wanted to hold it as we walked to the car. Wasn’t trying to be manipulative-again, honest affection.
-This letter for Mother’s Day. Scribbled down at the ball field one night while doodling on some paper. The third sentence just makes me cry puddles of tears. For him to know…
These moments envelope me from head to toe.
I don’t even really know what to say about it.
It’s almost like wooing or courting someone in a prearranged marriage.
Goodness! You KNOW those first signs that it’s working are so fulfilling!
Well, it may be silly, but that’s the only thing I can think to compare it to.
I’ve never experienced anything like it and I will take all the hard just for these most precious moments. It’s absolutely worth every mile walked, and worth all the miles we still have yet before us.
Written for WAGI (We Are Grafted In)/Sparrow Fund blog.
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