Today we had a guest minister at our church to lead worship. During, the praise and worship time of the service God began speaking to my husband Shaun about our future adoption plans.
(See, we have been planning to adopt since we were first married before any of our own children were born. Shaun has had a heart to adopt from very young when his family almost adopted. I completely agreed with it and have always had a desire to have children. It definitely shouldn’t matter whether I gave birth to them or not, I thought.)
That said, while we were worshipping the Lord I noticed Shaun got very still and quiet. After church he shared with me that God had spoken to him during the service. He knew it was finally time for us to start our journey. He told Shaun that she was already alive and waiting for us (she was born in September of 2008, but she was alive in her mothers womb). He said she needed us and that we needed to proceed with the paperwork.
We had always been waiting for Him to tell us when the time was right. I do not doubt Shaun’s unction. However, to say I am hesitant is a complete understatement. I am TERRIFIED!
Sophie is only 8 months old, I am still nursing, and we live in a new city with no family. AHHH! God you will have to correct Shaun and show him that I am not ready for this. I will only end up making a worse life for this little girl. I am selfish and I already lose my temper too much with my own children this new little one will not understand. I will scare the living daylights out of her. I am loud and obnoxious. I feel I can hardly handle the three I have. Lord, straighten my husband out. He is dreaming too big. He did not marry the right girl.