Oh my goodness, I totally got it! I am so excited I can hardly type. The “flower” of a girl thing. I was doing some laundry and was just praying and singing and it dawned on me. Several months ago, when we decided to start this thing, (yes I have been dragging my feet) Zoe had told us what she wanted to name her.
Zoe:”When we get our little girl from China, can we name her Lily.”
Me:”Sure honey. (If it ever happens) That sounds like a great name for a little girl.”
I know what He meant now. God is cool!
Tonight the Lord has visited me! We had church prayer tonight for our 21 day fast. This is the first one our church has done and the first time I have ever participated in one. I have been very excited about what God would show me for this year and He has just started it off awesomely!
Our Pastor had asked us to pray for some specific things tonight and I was doing accordingly. After praying some other things out I just began to pray about the adoption. I had already asked God to change Shaun’s heart and… it hasn’t been happening.
So I went to the Lord just to say, “What are we gonna do God? Shaun is serious about this thing and I don’t see how it’s gonna happen. God you know me. You know where I am weak. You know the things I have been dealing with as a mother. Trying to stay cool under pressure, disciplining consistently and not in anger, not using harsh words or yelling all the time. God I am not getting any better. What are we gonna do, God? What are we gonna do?”
I sat in silence and waited and this was His response to me:
“Anna, I wouldn’t have chosen you for this if I didn’t trust you would do what I wanted you to. I have known her since her conception, that she was destined for YOU. Your gifts and abilities will help develop the plan I have for her life. She is a “flower” of a girl. You will be amazed at the joy and peace and song she will bring to your life.”
….Wow! I am humbled that God would say such sweet things to me when He knows me like He does. And yet, being perfect doesn’t make me more qualified to receive His promises. They are mine no matter what. That is why Jesus died isn’t it?! I will go ahead with this, Just As I Am. He has a plan for this little girl!
I really don’t understand the “flower” of a girl thing, but I know I heard correctly. Whatevs, He’s God.