Today, I just don’t want to think about it.

There are days it is easy to forget
that I have two children from China.

I realize that may sound weird,
but everyday,
they are just my kids.
We are just a family.

So often it is easy
to just be wrapped up in our busy lives
and forget the reality that is out there;
to forget the tragedy my children came from.

There are days I just don’t want to have to wake up,
then turn over in my off-brand memory foam mattress
and see these pictures and think about what they represent.

I don’t want to think about my son
having just been found in a grass field in the country side.

I don’t want to think about those blankets,
probably belonging to his birth family,
and how chilly it must have been out.

Nor do I want to think about my daughter,
being found in a box by her foster mom
as she was on her way to market,
and all that she went through without me.

I just want to wake up,
live my life,
and shelter myself from that reality.
But that reality is now a part of my life.

We get busy thinking/worrying about
all the things that concern us in our everyday.

We get comfy in our off-brand, memory foam mattresses.

We get distracted by
random gossip,
our bills,
things we can’t have,
things we can have,
the millions of things we need to do,
the fact that there is never enough food in the house…
(Well, maybe that’s just me.)
and we forget that there are people truly hurting.
People close at home and people on the other side of the world.

And I am not about to be saying
that any of those things can’t be,
or aren’t
very important.

All of them have their proper place.
And some truly need to be thought about
or considered.

However, if we let that become our focus,
if we let those things distract us from
I believe we have missed it.

I don’t believe these realities
are something we should grovel in everyday.
No, Jesus wanted our joy to be full.

And I don’t want to think of my children as tragic
and dwell on their past.

Because their unhappy beginning
doesn’t determine who they are,
It’s who they choose to be;
the rest of their story that matters.

And before you start thinking I’m awesome for writing that,
I stole it from the goat on Kung Fu Panda 2.
Awesome movie. You should watch it.
I have it in Mandarin, if you want to borrow it.

But, as our busy lives go by,
even though it may be uncomfortable,
I think we should take the time to gain perspective.

I think we should back up everyday
and make ourselves consider

Even though sometimes it would be awesome
if life could just be easy,
with no pain or hardships.
I am thankful that I have this reminder everyday that it is not.

A gentle nudge to push me from my selfishness,
and to remember to put others before myself;
that this life is not about me
and my comfy mattress.
But, to remember there are people all over the world
that need God’s love,
that need to hear about what Jesus did for them.

Here I am, Lord.
Send me.

7 Responses to Today, I just don’t want to think about it.

  1. emily says:

    I miss talking to you all the time *cryface*
    Babies in boxes….have one of those. Dream about it sometime and wake up with a soaked pillow. At the same time, I can’t wrap my brain around the GOODNESS of the Lord, and how he had his eyessss on that baby. In that box. In that field. And now, they’re in my living room. Only God. Only Him. A million miles away from a cold, dirty box. Now he’s watching Doc McStuffins in my recliner with a sippy cup and a bowl of teddy grahams. Only a God like HIM could do that.
    Love you friend!! Made me cry this morning :) Now come to Albany for coffee. STAT.

  2. Maranda L says:

    Well said… Dang …crying at how compelling that truly is…… When are you writing your first book… Put me on the list…ML…Reminds me of growing up as a child, no matter where you have been, or what you have gone through… being it your choice or others.., God through his son Jesus has redeemed us through his blood, as well of those lost and dark days …. Words can’t express how great our Father truly is!!!!

  3. Amy Barkley says:

    This is awesome … just what I needed to hear today! I hope you guys are doing well … can’t wait to catch up in January!

  4. Jen says:

    Thank you for this! Beautifully written. We have a daughter adopted from Korea and are in process on a second adoption from China. We also have two biological sons. I love your blog, thank you for sharing!

    1. Jen says:

      Do you mind if I like this blog post on my blog?

      1. Jen says:

        oops I meant link

        1. Anna Lokey says:

          Absolutely not, Jen! I would be honored. :)