Maybe I thought it was my idea…

Maybe,
during this entire adoption process
I struggled with the idea that
this was all my plan,
not God’s.

Maybe,
I often thought…

“What if we get him home and this whole thing falls apart?”

“What if my motivation is wrong?”

“What if I am blowing up God’s plan because of my wants and desires?”

Maybe,
I even thought these things
up until the night before Gotcha Day.

And what if…
maybe,
what the Holy Spirit kept whispering to me
the. whole. time.
was EXACTLY right!

I am your Good Shepherd.
And I never lead my sheep where they shouldn’t be.
And I have equipped you with MY grace,
MY abilities,
MY strength.
DO NOT BE AFRAID!

Maybe,
God knows what He is doing
and I can trust Him to lead me in the right direction.

No.
No maybe-ing this time.

I KNOW He knows what He is doing.
And I laugh now.
I laugh at all those days and nights
I struggled with whether this was right or not.

Because this is God we are talking about.
And He knows the end
from the beginning.

And that doesn’t just mean,
(affect high-pitched, cheery voice)
“Oh, my life is so easy now!!
And my children are so perfect!!!”
Squee!

Umm…No!
Come sit for a day?!?!
That is ABSOLUTELY untrue.

But what it does mean is this, when you are called,
you are equipped.
And if anybody’s power/grace/anointing
is sufficient,
God’s is.

16 Responses to Maybe I thought it was my idea…

  1. nikki says:

    So, so true!

    The pic of Judah brushing Sophie’s hair is priceless!

  2. Kendall says:

    The pic of Judah combing Sophie’s hair… if that isn’t a Shaun Lokey smile on his face, I don’t know what one is! God knew EXACTLY what he was doing when made Judah Christopher Lokey! No doubt about it.

  3. Jerusha says:

    So beautifully true. And so much harder to believe when things are hard and awful and everything feels–sometimes–like a huge mistake. But still true. :)

  4. Pauline Fontenot says:

    I’d say, . . . . that still small voice . . . it wasn’t you, but you were hearing Him. I’d also say, you and Shawn both heard right.

    He was not in an earthquake, He was not in the fire,
    He was not in the strong migh-ty wind.
    He was not in confusion, He was not in distress,
    He was not in, the confusion of men . . .
    But in a still small voice,
    That I heard inside,
    In a still small voice . . . Oh He guides, He guides.

  5. oh my! His plans are so much better than we can even dream or imagine. How wonderful when we get a small taste of the joy of the Father’s love. Reminds me of the verse: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”–
    We are SO Blessed to be able to enjoy the blessings of adoptioN!:)
    btw, your little man is SO SO adorable! His smile looks like it lights up the room!

  6. stephanie says:

    Amen.
    That nagging worry and wondering about whose will this adoption thing is, well it can be so defeating. I’ve been there…worrying as we pursued Miss L (whose adoption journey was about as obvious a God-thing as anything I’ve ever seen or heard) but still, I worried.
    So, so thankful He uses the weak (me…really all of us) to display His strength.
    Rejoicing in his goodness right along with you! I love seeing all these pictures!

  7. Michelle Suggs says:

    BUSTED!!! So you’re human! We all have doubts, but what makes our faith grow is exactly what you and your family are doing…listening and obeying! You may be going through so many emotions right now, but please know, along with many, I am watching. Not criticizing, not judging, not waiting on a mistake…not at all! I’m watching the blessings fall over you like the most beautiful rainfall. It has helped me to push myself. So thank you for being so brave, faithful, and open. You are real to me! You post your struggles, emotions, strength, revelations, confirmations, … You don’t act like everything is always peachy, instead you openly walk your walk, showing us that if we do our part, He is faithful to do His! Love you guys!!! Chell

  8. Beckie Liu says:

    I ADORE this post! Thank you for writing about something that many of us probably just tuck away in the back of our hearts and minds. :) We are nearing the end of the process before we go to get our 6 year old boy in China. This is our FIRST adoption and our family was “complete” with one boy and one girl. Well, then God began a relentless campaign to show me that it was NOT, in fact, “complete”. Even though the signs along the way have been unmistakeable…I still question. Our adopting just seems, from a worldly perspective, so ridiculous! But, this type of post makes me smile a bit and realize I’m not the only one who has these thoughts and feelings. I LOVE your blog and will very much enjoy following along as YOUR 6 year old blends in with your family. :)

  9. stephanie says:

    Hey..me again. Can we feature this on WAGI? Pretty please? We can just use your bio and pic from before, or we can use updated ones if you are so inclined.
    Stephanie

    1. anna says:

      Sure you can use it! But yes, I think I would like to use my updated profile from this new page and maybe just use my bio pic until I can get one of all of us as a fam. Let me know if I need to email it to you or if you can just pull it off of my page. Thank you! :)

  10. Lindsey says:

    Love this post! Especially, “when you are called, you are equipped.” My husband and I are in the process of adopting from China. I have a feeling I will need to repeat that to myself frequently!
    I have been following your blog for a little while now and so enjoy your posts and pics of your sweet kiddos. Also, my SIL is Tori Strickland and one of my coworkers is Connie Capaldo. So between the two of them, I kinda feel like I know you. :)

    1. anna says:

      Wow! Well, it’s nice to “meet” you Lindsey!! Thank you for the encouragement. I am always amazed at how this blogging thing can connect people. So happy for you and your family and your journey to your new one. :)

  11. Sherry says:

    So right on time..I think the samethings……please keep us in your prayers. They baby home where our sweet guy is…is reviewing all paperwork sometime this month….we are praying for favor…God has shown us this child, now He has to carry this to completion…thank you….

    1. anna says:

      Will do Sherry!

  12. Leslie says:

    Yes, so true and a beautiful post. Look at those muscles! Are you just loving the joys of a boy or what?!

  13. Caitlin says:

    Thank you. We are in the waiting phase and I often question if I can handle this. I have so many “what if’s” But you are right. He will see us through what He called us to do.